So I started college approximately 3 weeks ago. And so far it's just kind of "eh?" Overall the professors are not nearly as engaged as the teachers from the entire course of your life up until this point, so that's a bit of a change. A lot of the time I just feel like "Alright. I am here for no other reason than to learn and further my education. Buuuut.... I honestly can't tell if I'm being taught or not."
Minus my Studio 2D (aka drawing) professor, who actually goes around to help and talk to us on an individual level, everyone else just lectures or assigns. I do realize that some of them are probably just wanting us to figure out crap for ourselves- become the "independent adults" we need to be- but at the same time, I just want some feedback. Criticism, guidance, whatever, as I am a noob at life. But right now I just feel like a number.
Oh man.. Another thing about college that bothers me is that I swear, every single freaking nice boy who befriends me is MARRIED! WHY ARE ALL THE AWESOME PEOPLE WEARING WEDDING/ENGAGEMENT RINGS?!! (Actually that's a really dumb thing to ask cuz the answer is in the question) When you have tasted the dating life, you learn that it is quite overrated, however there are a few aspects of it that you miss when you aren't currently involved. Here I am in an all new environment and I'm starting pretty fresh. I'm becoming more responsible, attempting to meet new people and make new friends (Although no one can ever replace my high school buddies), but so far people that I can potentially see dating is a bit out of my reach for now. Not that I'm too upset by it or anything, but I would like to become more experienced. And for curiosity's sake. It would just be nice to have a dork of decent height who I can banter with.
Other than school, I have discovered that I have a form of depression caused by a number of things- vitamin deficiency being one of them. So currently I've been having to take like 4 different pills every morning, and so far they seem to be working decently. I mean, I can at least tell the difference when I don't take them. I forgot to take them today in fact and I've been feeling extra anxious and worried by everything. I've gotten pretty close to crying a few times actually. It just really sucks because often times there are legitimate reasons for me to be sad, so it's not like I can always just blame the way I feel on my depression and get relief that way- there's a really blurry line between being reasonably sad, and overreacting to the stimuli. Of course since I'm the one with the disorder, I can't tell the difference, no matter how much I try to distinguish the two. I'm so happy that I now know I can do something about it though. Ever since I was in 8th grade I really began to suspect that something wasn't right with me, but because of the messed up relationship with my parents and ineffective communication, I never confronted them about it; believing they would just ignore me like everything else I go to them with or not have an open mind about it. The only reason they even know now is because I totally just lost it driving home from the gym with my mom two Saturdays ago. During my "low" points I can become really aggressive when I fear something's going to trigger the sadness I'm trying to suppress, so when my mom brings up school and starts lecturing me on needing to make new friends, something that I was especially sensitive about that first week of being separated from them, I blew up. In retaliation, she blew up as well. The deeper into the argument, the worse my need to be defensive became, and like anything that's been under a lot of pressure for so long, I caved. (If that is what you would call it.) Tears everywhere. It was dramatic and awful and ugh- I feel like a complete pathetic psychopath when I replay the moment in my head.
At that point I just briefly summed it up to her. I was pretty trapped after all. Not like I could just act out in such a small, closed environment like a moving car and expect to get off the hook. Ah, the chaos...
Buuuuuut.... As Dumbledore once said, "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if only one remembers to turn on the light." Most overused senior quote ever. Well besides that one about dancing in the rain and comparing friendship to peeing your pants. It would be cute if it wasn't so gross... Anyway, back to where I'm getting at with this... I went to my first Comic Con! It was fun.
I cosplayed as Riza Hawkeye from FMA and had some pretty awesome conversations with people I haven't even seen in my life just through shared fandoms. AND THEN I MET RAYCE BIRD FROM FACE-OFF AND GOT A HUG AND A PICTURE AND A HANDSHAKE AND I WAS JUST DYING THE ENTIRE TIME!!!! It was totally unexpected- I had NO clue he was going to be there, and he was so nice!! I got to watch him work on some really neat make ups for a bit too. One was of a freaking killer werewolf. It's really neat to see how even crazier his work becomes when he's able to take his time. C: Ah, I can't wait for next year's already. Hopefully I can actually get some cool merch, and I'm so curious as to see how big they'll go too. The rest of the country always seems to underestimate Utah, and you would think by now they'd realize that we're actually pretty exuberant people. They estimated that roughly 10,000 tickets would be sold... Yeah. It ended up being over 60,000. Needless to say they were a bit off.
For the very first one in Salt Lake, it was a big deal. I'm certain it's going to become a regular thing.
Oh, I hate to conclude so sloppily, but it's gotten pretty late here and I gotta go to the gym in the morning. Now you all know how crazy my life is!! Yay! Just one more thing before I leave, I've become quite lonely during my days of the university not knowing anyone and such... If anyone wants to talk, just don't even hesitate- I would love to. Send me a note or leave a comment somewhere. Right now friendly communication and Netflix have been the only things keeping me sane.
Whelp. Later for now!!